1. The Spiritual design of Godly Families
   
   From the beginning, the family has played a critical role in the outworking of God’s purposes on earth. As the fundamental building block of society, it was designed to provide the context for the nurture and training of each succeeding generation. The family was also designed to reflect and flesh out spiritual truth. (See Rom 8:15-17; Eph 1:11; 3:6; Heb 12:5-11; 1John 3:1) These analogies illustrate the high calling and responsibility which accompanies the Christian Family.
   
   God brought Adam and Eve together and established the basis for the family. This basis is a man and a woman. Even though Adam and Eve did not have parents, God instituted at that time the principle that a man and woman would depart from their parents and family unit to begin a new family unit. Without a man and a woman coming together in marriage, there is no family.
   
   God’s desire for the family is that it reproduces and multiplies.
   
   Genesis 1:27–28: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the
   
   air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.”
   
   God desires that husbands and wives bring forth offspring. Obviously not everyone is capable of producing children. However, in God’s plan for the family we should be in such a relationship that God could grant us children if He chooses to do so.
   
   The Christian home has been called “a laboratory for the application of biblical truth” It is a training ground for the impartation of values, for learning how to give and receive love, and for the development of relationships.
   
   The Greek definition given for family “Oikos/Household “is: “The Primary people” in our lives.

   1. The Spiritual design for Marriage
      
      God created marriage. No government subcommittee envisioned it. No social organization developed
      
      it. Marriage was conceived and born in the mind of God. – Max Lucado
      
      God created marriage and relationship in the midst of paradise (Gen 2:24) and through the centuries God didn’t change that; but man’s actions did.
      
      Marriage is a long term commitment, but there are so many marriages breaking up today, and sad to say, even among Christians and ministers of the Gospel. The question remains: is there no possible solution to the problems married couples face? One of the major reasons why there are break-ups in marriage, I believe is because couples do not discern that a marriage partnership is born out of a spiritual place. There is a heavenly connection created the day we are added together and we need to learn to see each other in the spirit.
      
      The value of Godly relationships is found in the recognition of the gift of Christ in one another. In each individual in a marriage something of Christ is deposited and that gift is specially and uniquely designed by God to become a source of strength for each other.
      
      Couples tend not to live and love out of a spiritual place – we tend to live and love out of a purely soulish place. Love is defined on a soulish level and because we have no understanding of an accurate biblical pattern we try to emulate and copy worldly philosophies and methods. I often speak of trying to love like Hollywood loves or an outside inside way of loving.
      
      If we love out of the five senses of man we will show behavior that will feed only the self-centered nature of man. There has to be a re-think were we start to operate out of the spirit and reprogram the soulish to work on this new spiritual operating system.
      
      In Gen 2:19-20 we read how that God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to name them. But for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.
      
      Gen 2:18 “And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper
      
      comparable to him.”
      
      Comparable carries the meaning: able to be compared; fit to be compared and worth comparing to.
      
      Gen 2:21-22 And Jehovah God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept. And He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh underneath. And Jehovah God made the rib (which He had taken from the
      
      man) into a woman. And He brought her to the man.
      
      The crowning moment of creation happened when God brought Adam his suitable helper, the moment when the one became the two; and the two became the one – and marriage was born out of a supernatural act of God.
      
      Mat 19:6 “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let
      
      not man separate.”
      
      We are added one to the other and this did not happen by mere coincidence, it is born out of a supernatural act of God. Like an old testament Jewish father seeks for a suitable wife for his son and an arranged marriage takes place – God our father is intricately involved in the arranging of our marriages.
      
      This is affirmed by God in Gen 2:22 and declared by Moses in Gen 2:24 ‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh’.
      
      This is reconfirmed by Jesus in Mark 10:7-8 and acknowledged by Paul in Eph 5:31. Mark even goes further and announces in: Mark 10:9 ‘Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put apart’.

   2. The Sanctity of Marriage (Reference: Prophet Mimie de Jager)
      
      According to Hebrews 13:4 ‘4 Marriage is honorable among all, [that is, regarded as something of great value]. Marriage is a covenant (not merely a contract) with God as the originator. The one who brought it about is also the one who gave birth to it. The one who initiated it is also the mastermind behind it (He has been setting you up for this since forever).
      
      Marriage is therefore a symbol of the mystical union between Christ and His church. Marriage carries the unrevealed; secret; mysterious; concealed; hidden; private; veiled; other-worldly and supernatural aspects of Christ and His church.
      
      It is therefore SACRED: It is dedicated; consecrated; holy; sanctified (set apart); blessed and divinely appointed.
      
      It has a divinely orchestrated DNA where no two covenants are the same. Each union is uniquely joined together. There is no ‘one size fit all’ approach to marriage. Each covenant is set apart for God, yet God has a different journey in mind for each. There is a mystery in each union that is not discernible to everyone.
      
      What God intended to accomplish in marriage was planned and purposed from the beginning. We so like to think that we have a say, but really we don’t. He need our different personalities and giftings to come together to fulfill His purpose through our oneness. NOW it does not really matter whether we
      
      feel like one; He sees us as one. It’s not based on feelings but like faith it is based on scriptural and spiritual truth.
      
      Each marriage stands in the service of God for His Body, the Church. It exists not for us only, but for the benefit of others. It will serve the body in its own unique way. The church (collective body) is not perfect, so how can we expect our own definition of perfection in marriages.
      
      Don’t let us presume to know better than God in dealing with marriages. Don’t let us presumptuously tread on holy ground where we have not been invited to enter. Never overstep by voicing your opinion or offering your limited advice to other married couples where you have not been asked to help.
      
      Don’t let us presumptuously rate our own marriages and those of others by our own standards, likes and dislikes. Don’t let us presume to know better than the very ones God has called together, whom He has entrusted with this union, and with whom He is journeying. But rather, let us stand in awe of the God who is the ORIGINATOR of every covenant between a man and a woman with Him as the head.
      
      Let our conduct towards each marriage be circumspect (cautious, wary) knowing that it is sacred in His eyes and if you touch it, speculate about it, slander and revile it you are likewise speaking of the head of this union who is God. Treat each union with respect knowing that it is God’s work in progress.
      
      Do not barge in, but wait to be invited in. Know that it cannot look like yours, it is God’s own unique mysterious work unfolding. So when invited in, be lead by the Spirit, your opinion has no relevance.
      
      This truth will release married couples from the bondage they are in to conform their oneness walk with God, to please the likes and dislikes (opinions) of those around them. This understanding will release couples into the liberty of knowing that Christ is in the boat with them. He is not bailing out; He is not panicking; He knew beforehand the bumps, mountains and valleys that you would have to cross. He knew beforehand the successes and failures that you would face. He knew beforehand the joy you would experience and the pain you would suffer. He knew beforehand the rejections you would experience and the tears you would cry. And you know what? He is ok with it all.
      
      He was there at the start of the journey. He is there in the middle and He will be there at the end.

   3. The Spiritual design for Children
      
      We see that there were no children in the garden. This is significant in that the woman completes the man and the man completes the woman. We are a completed family as husband and wife, without the children. This implies that by God’s design we do not need kids to complete the family. The husband-wife relationship is the first priority relationship so created by God. The parent-child relationship is dependent upon the husband-wife relationship. This is God’s order/structure and therefore all other relationships are to be subject to this priority assignment.
      
      According to Psalm 127:3-5, children are a gift from the Lord. They are God’s possession, not ours. He has temporarily placed them under our care; in effect, our children are “on loan” from God for the 18 or so years they are under our roof. We have been given the task of raising them up from a state of
      
      complete dependence to a state of complete independence so that we can release them to God by the time they reach maturity.
      
      It is urgent that we as Christian parents recognize this truth. Failure to do so will lead to unbiblical attitudes which can have a devastating impact on the self-image and development of our children. One such attitude is excessive possessiveness. Believing that their children are their own possessions, some parents do not adequately prepare them to leave the home. Because of this attitude, parents become overprotective and fail to give their children the growing independence, skills, and responsibility that they need. As a result, they are not equipped for life in the outside world. Even after they marry they may be psychologically or financially dependent upon their parents, and this hinders their ability to leave, cleave, and establish a one-flesh relationship in marriage.
      
      Another unbiblical attitude is reflected in the problem of parents who build their entire lives and marriages around their children. Too many parents seek to fulfill their own ambitions and dreams by identifying themselves with their children and living their lives through them. This vicarious attempt to find fulfillment always leads to frustration and disappointment because the children rarely meet such expectations and leave home so soon. It also places them under an intolerable demand of performance standards that they are physically, emotionally, or mentally incapable of attaining.
      
      Perhaps the most difficult biblical principle to apply as a parent is the need to accept your children as they are. Your true source of identity is in Christ, not your children. Your child may not be as physically or mentally capable as you would like, but if you realize that he is God’s possession and not yours, you can accept him for who he is. The practice of this truth can liberate your children from the fear of rejection and failure. If you as parents have not formally given your children over to the Lord, why not do it now?

2. Family Team Dynamics
   
   What are the marks of healthy families? While not every healthy family will exhibit identical characteristics; all have one common trait; all demonstrate INTERDEPENDANCE. It is important to ask: when my children become old enough to select their own friends, will they have any reason to choose us or their sisters and brothers to be in the circle of trust? Do my children consider our family part of their inner circle of most loyal friends?
   
   Family is cultivating a team spirit in your home and team identity can only be established through the principles of interdependence. Interdependent relationships exist when each individual part supports the others in order to create a whole. In the same way, each member of the interdependent family is mutually dependent upon each other.
   
   Sort of sounds like the way that the Bible describes how the church should operate. (See 1 Cor 12:12-27)
   
   This can be further illustrated by a group of people holding hands while in a circle and facing inward. This arrangement is the best possible one for sending and receiving family values.
   
   As a believer, it is better to see oneself as a small part of the whole then to see self as set apart in calling. It is more fruitful to be one of many than to determine to be unique in prominence before others. Bitterness and disappointment awaits the believer who majors on their own destiny instead of
   
   focusing on steadfastness in small things and rejoicing in the destiny of the whole. It is better to live before the eyes of Jesus, where our uniqueness is seen and then just blend in with the whole in the eyes of men. Beautiful is the body of Christ.
   
   Be therefore a significant part of the body and try not to be a prominent part of the body – Prophet
   
   Graham Unsworth
   
   It is every part dependent on every other part, the parts mentioned and the parts not mentioned, the parts we see and the parts we don’t. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance. Only as you accept your part of the family does your part mean anything.
   
   In contrast, an independent family structure means to be free from influence, guidance, or the control of another. It also means to be unaffiliated, alienated, or not committed to one another. In short, we would say it is to stand alone.
   
   The reformational move is built upon interdependence and not independence. We do not stand alone but are part of a much bigger move of God all over the earth.
   
   The interdependent family cultivates a sense of belonging, which leads to allegiance to one another and allegiance to the core values of the family. We grow with a “we-ism” attitude, rather than the selfish “me-ism” attitude that’ll lead to a lonely independence or in short, stand aloneness.
   
   In an independent family structure everyone is caught up in his own prominence and performance, doing his own independent thing striving to become something or someone that God never intended them to be.
   
   On paper, most people would choose the interdependent family. Everyone agrees with 1 Cor 12:12-27 because we want to belong, to be supportive, and to be supported.
   
   But for it to work in real life, it means sacrifice; it means being there for one another, stepping out of the comfort of your independence into the discomfort of being available for others (as a bridge) to walk across into healing, acceptance and breakthrough. Being a significant part of the whole rather than seeking to be a prominent part of the whole will cost you.
   
   Children who receive comfort and approval from the intimate and dependable relationships found in the interdependent family tend to look to those same or similar relationships as they move through adolescence. Also important to note is that within the confines of the interdependent family, parents and not peers, usually have the greatest influence. Teens choose their community identity that is peer friends, only after their family identity is first established and either accepted or rejected.
   
   If the family is accepted as the primary source of values and comfort, then the teen not only identifies with but makes friends from among those possessing similar values. This is why ultimately peer pressure on a child is only as strong as family identity is weak.
   
   That is why we encourage parents to work early on building a strong family identity. Parents can have the same and even greater influence that peers have on children. Parents can experience the same
   
   loyalty given to a peers group. But to reach this level of association parents and the church must take the initiative and move away from an independent lifestyle toward an interdependent lifestyle. Move away from trying to be prominent to being a significant part of the whole. Moving away from a “me-ism” to a “we-ism”. It is responding to the preciousness of those outside of self.
   
   Some practical “how to do this”

   • Read After Dinner

   • Allow the Kids to Plan a Family Night

   • Let the kids Participate in Building Family Memories

   • Take Walks Together

   • Participate in the Body/Church Together

   • Dance Together

   • Minister/Pray Together

3. Assignments in Relationships
   
   God appointed you to someone to grow and mature you through that relationship. God appoints you to a pastor; or a boss or a friend; your spouse and even your children.
   
   We read in Rth 1:14-16 the story of how that Ruth clung to Naomi. In making a decision to leave Moab and accompany Naomi to Bethlehem, Ruth was making a decision to serve her mother-in-law. Naomi’s experiences in Moab had left her hard, cynical and angry about the death of her husband and sons (see Ruth 1:20-21) When her old friends came out to greet her as she arrived in Bethlehem, they called her name, ‘Naomi’ She said, ‘Don’t call me Naomi – meaning ‘pleasant’. She told them, Call me ‘Mara’ –meaning ‘bitter’. It is not easy to serve a bitter person, but Ruth made that decision because she knew to whom she had been assigned.
   
   Almost no one in today’s world seems to know or accept what it means to be ‘assigned’ to serve another. When you know that you have been assigned by God to serve and learn from someone, you are willing to put up with all kinds of difficulties that come to distract you from that relationship. You are willing to do all kinds of jobs and put up with all kinds of hardships because you know without a doubt that God has called you to that relationship to teach you, prepare you, and ultimately to bless you.
   
   Moab represents your past; Bethlehem represents your future and Boaz the promise of God and to get from your Moab to your Boaz you’ve got to travel with a Naomi. Then God sets people in your life ‘assigned people’ to help you move from your Moab to your Boaz. God then assigns you to this somebody to serve that person and learn from him, willingly; doing it gladly and with joy. Doing it faithfully and with humility for God is maturing you through the assignment.

4. Different Roles in the Family
   
   The Apostle Paul thinks so highly of the family that he declares it to be a reflection of Christ and His Church (Eph 5:21-32) and goes on to explain the different roles within the family. Each person may fill one or more of the following roles.

   1. Husband

      • Lover
        
        The Husband Should Love His Wife: (Ephesians 5:25-31, 33) A man should love his wife as Christ loved the church and as he loves his own body. What can Jesus’ love for the church teach husbands?
        
        Jesus’ love was not a romantic mood or emotion but a choice or commitment. He did not wait till we acted lovingly toward Him but did what we needed even when our conduct was unattractive. This required serious sacrifice for our good.
        
        Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”
        
        God commands husbands to love their wife as their own flesh and to lay down their lives for their wives. When men do not love their wives as they should, they are not fulfilling God’s plan for the father of the family.
        
        Just before these verses in Ephesians, God says to wives that they should submit. However, men loving their wife are not conditional on the wife submitting. He should love whether or not she submits. Yet it stands to reason that she is more likely to submit if he will love her as he should.
        
        Love is sacrificial. Love laid down His life for us on the cross and we need to lay down our lives for one another. We cannot expect anything from our partners if we do not first choose to lay down our lives for them.
        
        1Jo 3:16 ‘This is how we’ve come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves.’
        
        According to Paul this is first expected from the husbands. Love is not a feeling, but an act of your will so for the husband to love in this way is to take the initiative and die to self and his self-centered behavior. This takes leadership and mostly meekness and humility.
        
        Paul says the one should regard/esteem the other higher than himself. This is the way of Godly love.
        
        1Corinthians 13:4-9 tell us more about this kind of love: it is patient and kind and not easily offended.

      • Provider
        
        The Husband Should Work to Provide for the Physical Needs of the Family: Many men leave their wives and children without the necessities of life because they quit their jobs for frivolous reasons or waste their income selfishly.
        
        (Genesis 3:17-19) The man was required to labor despite hardships in order to have food. (Cf. 2 Thess. 3:10.)
        
        (1Timothy 5:8) A man should provide, not just for himself, but for his whole household. The Bible gives many examples of men having occupations or businesses outside the home. Many Bible examples show men employed away from the home in such occupations as shepherd, carpenter, physician, fisherman, merchant, farmer, sailor, preacher, tentmaker, etc. (See also Eph. 5:28,29).
        
        This is the God-given duty of the husband. Man should also not neglect his other responsibilities by over-emphasizing work. Yet one, who neglects working, expecting his wife or other people to provide income for his family, is worse than an infidel.

      • Leader
        
        The Husband Should Be the Head of the Family:
        
        Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christlike, servant
        
        leadership, protection, and provision in the home. John Piper
        
        Some claim that man should not exercise authority over his wife or that his authority should be limited to just certain areas. In practice, women are often the leaders in making family decisions. But note:
        
        (Ephesians 5:22-24) The husband is head of his wife as Christ is head of the church. Neither his wife nor their parents are the authority in his family (See Gen. 2:24).
        
        Christlikeness will lead a husband to consider the needs and desires of the wife and children. He will make decisions for the good of the whole group, not just to please himself. This requires discussion at times to understand the views of others.
        
        However, the husband does have the final authority, and will give account to God for his decisions. Often this responsibility is not a privilege but a burden. He needs the courage to stand.
        
        If the wife fails to fulfill her duties, this does not justify the husband in failing to fulfill his duties (Romans 12:17-21; Luke 6:27-35)

   2. Wife

      • Lover
        
        The Wife Should Love Her Husband: (Genesis 2:18-24) Woman was created to be a companion and helper to man. Mal 2:14 explains that she is your companion and your wife by covenant. The wife is the husbands counterpart; his match (what he lacks – they complete each other) and the one who compliments him.
        
        (Titus 2:4) Young women should be taught to love their husbands and their children. This is something a woman can learn to do. Again, love is a matter of choice (act of your will) and commitment, not primarily a romantic mood/feeling.

      • Caretaker
        
        It is the job of the wife to nurture and take care of the family. It is to bind up the wounds and to be a restorer of peace. The bible explains the beauty of a wife with a gentile and peaceable spirit.
        
        Prophet Nola Pelser explains that in the modern times women live in, they have experienced both freedom and bondage. Pride, status, anxieties and frustration, have caused women both saved and unsaved to lose the nicest quality a woman can possess, that being of a gentle and peaceful spirit. A woman with a gentle spirit stands out amongst the crowds of women who are unhappy, unloved, self-willed, full of self and assertive. In their pursuit to become recognized, women have lost their femininity.
        
        To restore that which was lost we look to the scripture and find the scripture in Eph 5:22-23. The Wife Should Submit to the Headship of the Husband:
        
        Ephesians 5:22, 23 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the
        
        body.”
        
        1Pe 3:3-6 ‘You should not use outward aids to make yourselves beautiful, such as the way you fix your hair, or the jewellery you put on, or the dresses you wear. Instead, your beauty should consist of your true inner self, the ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of the greatest value in God’s sight. For the devout women of the past who placed their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful by submitting themselves to their husbands. Sarah was like that; she obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are now her daughters if you do good and are not afraid of anything’
        
        If we look at this piece of scripture, we see a few things that stand out:
        
        Inner beauty & a
        
        Gentle and quiet/peaceable spirit
        
        Ladies to submit is to understand and support your husband. In submission you are beautify yourself not only for your husband’s, but also for God. To submit is to understand that they (husbands) are created differently. Women are naturally wired to show emotion and love. Woman show how they feel easily wile for the men it is a choice. But for the Ladies the action of love is shown in submission.
        
        The Greeks have a great saying: The Husband may be the head but the wife; she is the neck and she can turn him any way she wants to.
        
        Wives are instructed to submit to their husbands as an act of love. By them submitting to their husbands they are showing a proper relationship to authority. When they submit to and respect authority, it will help children understand their need to submit to the authority over them.

      • Homemaker
        
        The Wife is the Homemaker: Our society places little value on the work of homemakers. (Titus 2:4, 5; 1 Timothy 5:14) God says the work of mothers is to be a homemaker. They are to manage the household, loving and caring for their family. This work is a blessing and should be valued and appreciated more (see Psalm 113:9).
        
        It follows that the husband and wife have distinct roles. God gave them separate duties and gave each a nature best suited to those duties. To blur these distinctions or to deny they exist is to disobey God. For both the husband and the wife, the greatest satisfaction in marriage comes when they follow God’s plan.
        
        Again, the husband’s failure to properly fulfill his duties does not justify the wife in failing to fulfill her duties (Rom. 12:17-21; 1 Peter 3:1, 2; Luke 6:27-35).

   3. The Parents’ Responsibilities to Their Children:
      
      Children are a blessing from God, not an unwanted burden (Psalm 127:3-5; 128:1-4). Today kids are seen to be a luxury and a “liability”. For the first time in history children have become unnecessary. The result is that children feel no inherent importance or self-worth and they are left vulnerable to exploitation and problem behavior. Kids need purpose and it is the responsibility of the parents to speak into their kids lives so that they would understand their purpose and their belonging.
      
      We start this process by loving our children unconditionally. We learn to love them accurately as we are being loved by our heavenly Father. Parents who love their children will do what is best for them. This requires taking time with children both ‘quality’ and ‘quantity’ time.
      
      It has been said that children spell love T-I-M-E. The quality of the time we spend with them is essential, but we are deceiving ourselves if we make this a substitute for quantity. There is a dangerous tendency in our culture to use material possessions as a surrogate for building intimate relationships with children. They are not so easily bought off. Overindulgence with presents will not make up for a failure to express love by spending time with them.

      • Teacher/ Couch
        
        Pro 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.[ Point
        
        your kids in the right direction – when they’re old they won’t be lost.]”
        
        Parents Should Train Their Children to Know and Obey God’s Will: Few children are truly taught to love God. (Ephesians 6:4) Parents should bring children up in the training and admonition of the Lord. This includes bringing the children to all meetings of the church, and also teaching them God’s word at home (Deut. 6:6-9).
        
        Training children is primarily the work of parents, rather than the church. It is a mistake to think moral training is the duty of the Sunday school, or Christian school teacher. It is not!
        
        When children grow up without knowledge of God and His will, the parents will give account. (See also Prov. 22:6; Gen. 18:19; Deut. 4:9, 10; 1 Sam. 2:22-25; 3:13; 2 Tim. 1:5; 3:15).
        
        The charge to parents is to know the God of moral truth, live His moral truth, and from that experience, teach our children that truth. Spurgeon said that we should train up a child in the way he should go but be sure you go that way yourself.
        
        In Deuteronomy 6:4-7 Moses told the parents of Israel “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”
        
        The starting point of moral training is with the parents. Before you diligently teach your children, Moses said “These words shall be in your hearts”. The principle: If moral conduct is not resident in your own heart, you cannot pass them on to your children. By intent or neglect, parents are the greatest moral influence on their children. Not only do parents teach principles of moral conduct, but they validate them in the context of daily living.
        
        Secondly, moral training is to take place during the normal activities of the day. “You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” By implication, moral truth is best communicated in periods of non-conflict. That doesn’t mean we will not teach at times of correction, but it does mean a healthy dose of moral training should take place throughout the day and in moments of non-conflict when the child is not in a position to have to defend his or her actions.
        
        A sign of bad parenting we find in parents who are more preoccupied with suppressing the wrong of a child’s behavior than instilling the moral reason why such behavior is wrong.
        
        Restraining waywardness must be accompanied by instruction in righteousness. (Proverbs 1:1-7, 8:33, 9:9 & Micah 6:8)
        
        It is not enough to teach your children how to act morally; parents must also teach them how to think morally. By this we mean that parents often tell their children what to do, but don’t tell them why they should do it. How to do right and knowing why to do right are definitely two different things. A greater emphasis is placed on the “how-to’s” than the “why-for’s”
        
        This is exactly what Moses taught the people of Israel – It is this biblical response of the parent that we want to see in the church today.

      • Discipline/Correction
        
        Parents Should Punish and Reward Children When Necessary to Motivate Them to Do Good and Avoid Evil: Spanking and all forms of punishment are opposed by our society. Yet God has spoken:
        
        (Hebrews 12:5-11) The Father in Heaven is an example to parents in chastening children. Why should children be chastised? For their benefit (v10). It causes the child to respect parents and authority in general (v9) and teaches them to act righteously (v11).
        
        (Proverbs 13:24; 23:13, 14) Spanking is not contrary to love. Properly done it is an act of love for the child’s good to teach him to live right. It should never be done because the parent has lost his temper or to satisfy a lust for power. (See also Prov. 22:15; 19:18; Luke 15:20-24.)
        
        Rules and discipline should be consistent. Inconsistency provokes the child to anger (Eph. 6:4). The father and mother should agree and work in harmony (Matt. 12:25).
        
        Children must be treated fairly and justly with no favoritism (James 2:8, 9). Parents should keep their promises, including the promise to punish (James 5:12).
        
        Parents who do not discipline their children will be held accountable by God (1 Sam. 3:13). Instead of following society’s ungodly philosophies about child-rearing, Christians need to fight those concepts with every upright weapon at our disposal. Families that follow God’s will are the ones that will truly be blessed. (See also Col. 3:21; Matt. 23:23).

   4. The Children’s Responsibilities to Their Parents
      
      “I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent upon the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words. When I was a boy, we were taught to be discreet and
      
      respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wild and impatient of restraint.” – Hestes, the
      
      Greek poet, 800B.C
      
      This observation seems to be true for all generations. When looking at the Christian family and the place children have within family units the core values have not changed although the environment definitely has changed allot. While acknowledging the change one has to cement the core Biblical truths that ring true even today.
      
      Pro 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.[ Point
      
      your kids in the right direction – when they’re old they won’t be lost.]”
      
      Exodus 20:12 (AMP) 12 “Honor (respect, obey, care for) your father and your mother, so that your days
      
      may be prolonged in the land the LORD your God gives you.
      
      Ephesians 6:1-3 (AMP) 6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord [that is, accept their guidance and discipline as His representatives], for this is right [for obedience teaches wisdom and self-discipline]. 2
      
      Honor [esteem, value as precious] your father and your mother [and be respectful to them]—this is the first commandment with a promise— 3 so that it may be well with you, and that you may have a
      
      long life on the earth.
      
      Children are to obey and honor their parents. This means that they not only need to obey, but to obey in a respectful way that adds value to the family unit and their parents. While we don’t know exactly how long we are given by God to live, we are told that those who honor their parents will live longer lives than they would if they were disobedient, hateful and disrespectful to their mother and father.

      • Follow Instruction
        
        Children Should Listen to Their Parents’ Instruction: Society encourages children to disregard their parents’ teachings and make their own choices. Young people often think their parents are unreasonable or do not understand.
        
        (Proverbs 6:20-23) Listen to the instruction of parents, do not forsake it. Remember that parents are older and more experienced. They may not be perfect (neither are the kids!) yet they are still wiser. (See also Prov. 1:8; 15:5; 23:22).

      • Respect Parents
        
        Children Should Respect Their Parents: Young people today mock, ridicule, and openly flaunt their parents. Such conduct is encouraged by many aspects of society and is ignored by many parents.
        
        (Ephesians 6:2, 3) Parents have God-given authority and have generally done much good for the children. They deserve to receive respectful treatment, including respectful speech and attitudes. (See Matt. 15:4; Prov. 6:20-23; 15:5; 23:22.)

      • Respect Siblings
        
        1 Timothy 5:1-8 (MSG) 5 1-2 Don’t be harsh or impatient with an older man. Talk to him as you would your own father, and to the younger men as your brothers. Reverently honor an older woman as you
        
        would your mother, and the younger women as sisters.
        
        Paul is teaching Timothy, and us, that a family unit behaves with respect towards one another. In the church we are to respect and honor others as we would our own brothers, sisters, parents and extended family.

      • Obedience is required
        
        Children Should Obey Their Parents: Rebellion is admired and encouraged by many. Acts that parents have disapproved off are yet practiced openly or by deception because “everybody’s doing it” or for a hundred other excuses. Some accept such conduct as inevitable. But all such is disobedience and rebellion.
        
        (Ephesians 6:1) Children are commanded by the Lord to obey their parents. (See also Col. 3:20; 2 Tim. 3:1, 2). (Luke 2:51) Jesus set the example of subjection to his parents. (Romans 1:30, 32) One who refuses to obey his parents is worthy of death, and so are those who approve of such conduct (See Deut. 21:18-21).
        
        1 Sam. 15:23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king.
        
        Rebellion keeps you in a constant place of discontentment. You will constantly fight and be tired! Children should obey all parental instructions unless they are told to do something sinful (Acts 5:29).
        
        The fact that the parents may have made some mistakes or even sinned does not justify disobedience by the children (Rom. 12:17-21; Luke 6:27-35; etc.)

      • Remember your Responsibility

      Children Should Care for Elderly Parents: Elderly people today are often neglected or shipped to nursing homes, not because this is really needed for the proper care of the parent, but because the children do not want to be bothered.
      
      (1Timothy 5:4, 8, 16) When children are unwilling to care for their elderly parents, they lack appreciation for what their parents did for them, and they also deny the faith. (See Matt. 15:4-6; Ruth 4:13-15; John 19:25-27.)
      
      Making happy homes is not easy, especially in a corrupt society. But God’s plan is always best, and the homes that accomplish the most good are those that learn and do His will.

5. The Beauty of Submission (Referenced from Prophet Nola Pelser)
   
   The Greek word for submission is HYPOTASSO – It is military term that means to rank under, to willfully place yourself under someone else’s authority. It implies rank. We often say, don’t pull rank. Why so important? God is a God of order and structure (See 1Co 14:33) For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.
   
   He has a plan from the beginning. Your part to play is to get into line. If you pull rank it will bring confusion and chaos! The opposite of submission is rebellion: a state in which you want yourself to be seen/ counted. Show off your importance! It creates a breeding ground for aggression and dissatisfaction! This is exactly the opposite of peace, order, inner beauty.
   
   The principle of mutual submission is important. Eph 5:21 explains we need to submit ourselves to one another in the fear of God. Men submit to your wife when it comes to order issues in the house. They create the house and are responsible for the atmosphere in the house. By submitting to them in some orbits of the daily running of the house, you help to make it possible for them to create the house and to run a tight ship!
   
   Submission raises the level of commitment in your life to yourself, to God’s Word, to the family, to prayer, to authorities and other people. The quickest way to commitment is submission – you’ll speak (make a statement of greater impact) more through submitting to God than doing your own thing. To only do what the father tells me to do!
   
   When you begin to submit in your inner self, your level of trust in God rises. It’s like self-elevation has put up a wall between you and God, and you have trusted only in your own words of permission, than on God’s Word on a certain matter. Turning to a lifestyle of submission will help you to receive healing, answers, guidance and emotional restoration. How you react to various situations will show how much you have submitted to God.
   
   Either we are sheep and need a Shepherd or we are simply wise in our own eyes. It’s like climbing into a boat. Once you’ve submitted to the space in the boat, you’re not on the ground and you have to trust the boat taking you across the water. God’s Word is more solid than a boat.
   
   The attitude of submission brings clarity in your thinking. Why? Because; submission brings rest and peace. Out of a state of rest in your inner-self you will hear the Holy Spirit’s voice more clearly and do what is right for you at the time and place. In my own life I recognize the frustration of areas where I am not yet fully submitted. But thanks to our Heavenly Father, we are growing into it day by day. Submission brings a balance. Submission helps to fulfill function not positions.
   
   Submission makes you see people, situations, and circumstances from God’s perspective, in the light of the Word of God. Submission brings Christ out in you. He must increase, we must decrease. Submission brings God’s plan, purpose and influence into your life.

6. Intimacy with God and Relationships
   
   When Adam sinned, he not only lost intimacy with God, he also lost intimacy with Eve and their relationship began to deteriorate. By principle intimacy with God is a prerequisite. In other words; do not expect people to meet your deepest needs because only God can meet those needs.
   
   When for example your inner security is dependent upon someone whose action you cannot predict or control you lose that security. Then your ability to give is dependent upon your ability to get. Your life then is filled with disappointment and frustration. Unrealistic expectations of others create a negative atmosphere of tension and pressure that drives people away from you.
   
   Instead trust God to meet your deepest needs. Then your inner security and strength are dependent upon someone who is completely faithful and has unlimited resources. Your ability to give then comes
   
   from the provision of God’s Spirit within you. Even when no one is giving to you, you can still give to others.
   
   Suddenly your life is filled with an atmosphere of satisfaction and optimism because your realistic expectations of others draw them to you.

7. The importance of the extended family

1Pe 2:4-5 “Come to the Lord, the living stone rejected by people as worthless but chosen by God as valuable. Come as living stones, and let yourselves be used in building the spiritual temple/house, where you will serve as holy priests to offer spiritual and acceptable sacrifices to God through Jesus Christ.”

It is a fact that God created us to live in fellowship and community with one another. We are designed to be connected and will die if we are isolated. Right across the world people are born into a family of some sort and no one is exempt of being linked to someone.

The Greek definition given for family or House/oikos is: the “Primary people” in our lives. The reality is that the world and with it our ideas of family/oikos has changed. The concept of fellowship and community has also changed and with it how we relate to one another.

It is therefore important that we will look at the changing world and with it the dynamics that changed within our family existence and how we now relate to one another in the church. We will look at the original design of the church and how us getting back to that design might change the way that we operate in the family.

• It is a different world.

1. There is a loss of Support
   
   The extended household is busy dying. Kids, not too long ago had the opportunity to know grandma and grandpa; uncle’s and aunt’s. In the 60’s 70% of kids grew up knowing a grandpa or a grandma and today only 2% of kids have access to such a relationship. For the first time in history we speak of the nuclear family instead of the extended family. And for the first time it is expected of parents to be alone in raising their kids. In the past there was a bigger support from the extended family.
   
   The result: The family lost their natural support systems.
   
   Mentors [grandma & grandpa] the relationships that God created as a help to parenting no longer exist. Kids had a sense of security in the multitude of influences found in the extended family that disappeared.
   
   The same has happened in the church. There is a loss of support as people isolate themselves from one another.
   
   Another result: The influence of our mentor’s that made kids grow and achieve success is failing.
   
   Parents today do not receive coaching from their parents anymore and most parents are left alone to fight the battle of parenting ALONE!
   
   In the same way fathering, mentoring and couching has been replaced in the church with prosperity driven motivational teachings reinforcing the power of the one or the individual.
   
   Patricia Hersch says: The sickness of our time is “relational deprivation”

2. FELLOWSHIP/Community changed:
   
   With the death of the extended family we see the death of community. In the place of fellowship came individualism. Things like DSTV; Computers; XBOX’s and Playsatation games took the place of family and fellowship. We do not know our neighbors and we became a community of isolated individuals. Kids and parents that live separated lives – alone; including spouses that have separated lives.
   
   The child of the twentieth century is more isolated and more unsupervised than in any other generation.

3. There is a loss of Place

In the past kids contributed to the family economy. Today kids are seen to be a luxury and a “liability”.

For the first time in history children became unnecessary.

The result: Children feel no inherent importance or self-worth and as a result they are vulnerable to exploitation and problem behavior. Kids need purpose and it is the responsibility of the parents to speak into their kids lives so that they would understand their purpose or their belonging.

In the same way the church no longer operate as a body with members and different functions but rather like an entertainment centre where you go to please the self – to reaffirm and celebrate your individual preferences. We see that people isolate themselves in mass gatherings on Sundays to hide themselves. Church has become a place where we do not care to know one another and pray that others would not come to know the real you. We’ve become a people without support, without fellowship who does not know our purpose and place in the Body of Christ.

We also live in the age of information: More people know more about the world than ever before and with it;

1. There is a loss of Innocence
   
   Cell phones, Facebook, Mix-it, Twitter and unlimited internet access rob us of our innocence, our time and ultimately fellowship. It’s all gone into cyberspace.
   
   The media also has reached ex-streams in showing programming that has violence; sex; bad language and “adult” themes.
   
   The result: Childhood is disappearing!

2. There is a loss of heroes

Parents and family are “absent” and there are no role models to imitate.

Christianity has become plastic losing its genuineness and kids are reacting to these moral-less lifestyles.

Money has become the hero.

The fact that this is happening does not change the fact that we have been created for one another. Children and adults alike have a need to be connected to people and many a time if the family unit cannot provide for this need other people/groups fill this need for fellowship and belonging. The reality is that many a time these friends or peer groups may have a negative and even sometimes detrimental influence on us.

WHAT TO DO! What is the answer?

Reform back to God’s original design found in Scripture. It is to reform us back to the original concept of church/ of body. Church is what it is because the family has become what it is.

When sociality have sifted so far away from the original intent found in the Word we, as the body of Christ have to step up and apply the truths of the scriptures. That is why I believe that God is reforming the family back to its original design.

We/the church now become each other’s extended family where we all benefit when:

1. We become each other’s Support

2. We live in Community/Fellowship

3. We find our Place in the body

4. Where Innocence is restored &

5. Heroes are born
   
   We excess the wealth of the corporate body when:

   1. The Support system is restored
      
      IE: The understanding of equal care is restored:
      
      The spiritual house of God is not made up of man-made structures and positions. Church is a spiritual entity! If one member suffers, even slightly, the whole body suffers. (1 Cor 12:26) The body is not made up of positions but the functioning of the different parts.
      
      WE ARE PURPOSEFULLY JOINED TO ONE ANOTHER – We are THE MYSTICAL BODY OF CHRIST; ONE FLESH (EPH 5:30) THE CHURCH/or we could say: THE FAMILY IS CHRIST’S BODY IN WHICH HE SPEAKS AND ACTS, BY WHICH HE FILLS EVERYTHING WITH HIS PRESENCE and Purpose.
      
      We work together, we are closely knitted (Eph 2:21-22) or fitly framed together and everyone then immediately feels the weight and pressure if one ‘part’ malfunctions. For the body to operate efficiently each person in the group must serve and have equal care for the house of God. (1 Cor 12:25) This implies that we understanding that each one serves according to his/her level of faith, expertise, gifting or grace and so on.
      
      We excess the wealth of the corporate body when:

   2. We live in Community/Fellowship
      
      The Bible calls this togetherness: ‘fellowship’, or communion, companionship, friendship, camaraderie, partnership and association. I’d like to refer to it simply as two fellows in a ship. Two guys each with an ore working in tandem to move the little boat from one end of the lake to the other. Fellowship is more than just coffee and cake. It happens when we suffer together.
      
      Let’s look at the definition of church. The biblical definition of ‘church’ does not derive from the Latin translation of “Kirche” which comes from a root word that can mean circus, as well as assembly or congregation. A more acceptable translation for the word, church, is from the Greek “ecclesia” which, when directly translated means: called-out-ones.
      
      The origin of this word comes from Caesar’s group of specialists who were intentionally called together to fulfill the will of Caesar. So, by definition “church” refers to the collective gathering of individuals with the purpose to fulfill the will of God.
      
      Paul explains the dynamics of church using the metaphor of a human body. Remember that in a body there are no dead parts, no passive inactive members! In a body every part exists for the sake of the other parts. The human body is a magnificent collective genius of parts functioning as one! THE Individual BODY parts are THERE FOR THE corporate BODY. We are not to seek our own interests, but the interests of others. (Phil 2:1-11) We need each other.

   3. Find your Place

1Pe 2:4-5 “Come to the Lord, the living stone rejected by people as worthless but chosen by God as valuable. Come as living stones, and let yourselves be used in building the spiritual temple/house, where you will serve as holy priests to offer spiritual and acceptable sacrifices to God through Jesus Christ.”

IE: The Corporate design:

We come to salvation individually, but we cannot grow into our full stature in Christ unless we are joined with other members into ONE FLESH which is HIS BODY.

You cannot be a spiritual body on your own (a body is made up of many parts), nor can you be part of the global body of Christ individually as the global body of Christ is made up of many spiritual bodies and not an individual. It is then to break out of or individuality and embrace the corporateness of our design.

There is no such thing as we do not have to go to church; because we are the church. This idea is born from an isolationist point of view which in itself is not scriptural.

A church that accepts the fivefold ministries into their midst and make room for these gifts to nurture the body of Christ, will experience true spirituality and maturity.

It is easy to hide in a big congregation and to fall into the trap of just attending services. But the growth that the body supplies according to Ephesians 4:16 is seriously lacking in such an environment. People grow spiritually more in smaller groups, because people know one another, and cannot hide and they rely heavily on each other, so there is no passivity.

The practicality of the body illustrated:

• IS THERE ONE PART OF THE BODY/family THAT CAN BE REMOVED AND STILL GO ON FUNCTIONING ON ITS OWN? NO

• DOES ANY PART OF THE BODY HAVE A FUNCTION OUTSIDE OF THE BODY? NO

• IS THERE ONE PART OF THE BODY THAT IS NOT NECESSARY TO THE WHOLE? NO

• CAN ONE PART OF THE BODY DECIDE IT IS TIRED OF THE OTHER PARTS AND MOVE TO ANOTHER BODY AT WILL? NO. WHY NOT? THE BODY IS MADE ACCORDING TO GOD’S

DESIGN and in the same way the family unit has been joined and made according to God’s design. You might have a choice when choosing a spouse, you might have a choice when to start a family, but once you have made your choice, God designs the baby and gives it life.

Final tips to consider:

So we see the gap that has come because of the environment that we live in today. As parents – as husbands and wife’s we start by identifying the gap, by keeping a positive attitude and applying scripture to the way we do things.

When we get a grasp of the family structure God has established, we can get a better understanding of how God wants us to interact with one another and with His authority.

The family unit points us to another establishment God has ordained i.e the church. Jesus Christ is the head of the church. He is the authority. The church as a whole is His bride. We as individuals in the church are His children and siblings one with another.

If you have a proper family unit, then your children will have a better understanding of God, His church and His authority. If your children never learn to respect their parents, whom they live with and interact with, then how are they going to learn to respect God whom they cannot see? When parents teach their children that there is authority, responsibility and consequences for wrong actions, the children will much more quickly understand who God is and the authority He has in our lives.

Do your children a favor and establish a family as God defines it and they will grow up with a better understanding of God and the wonderful salvation He offers.

Conclusion:

We need to live and love from a new operating system in our relationship world. We live life from a spiritual perspective where you pray for your spouse and pray for your children. Love and you will be loved. Protect and you will be protected. Then relationship is the complete dedication to meet the needs of the other person you’re connected with. This includes your spouse; your children; your family or even your boss. All relationships operate best when we start to value those outside of self more than our self-centered wants and needs.

To define love then is to know who love is, and God is love. Anything that we think is love where God is not the foundation thereof is but a cheap imitation thereof and bound to fail us or is at worst sinful. (1Jn 4:8) We know how to love because we are loved by the Savior.

Lust is selfish and self-centered. Adultery is the fruit of lust. Lust is a demonic power and must not be confused with love. Jesus is love and anything we define as love where Christ is not the center of, is a lie. God will never say we should leave our husband/wife for someone else. Feelings might change but love is not a feeling – it is an act of your will. You chose to fall in love over and over again.

Everything we do or don’t do must be measured against scriptures like Gen 2; Eph 5 and other scriptures as they form the basis of the Christian relationship world. I believe that if we are willing to follow God’s plan for relationship, we can create a wonderful and fulfilling environment for a lifetime of love, friendship and intimacy.